Below is an excerpt from my new short story series.To all the mothers out there fighting the battle every day I salute you.
I am a mother but I am also so much more than that. I am a parent raising four kids to the best of my abilities and I’m not going to lie it has been tough. I have struggled with guilt, I have blamed myself for my choices, and I still do. Sometimes I look at my kids and think that they deserve better, I wish that I could give them the world on a silver platter. I wish that I could fix what I broke, what he broke. It was a game for two and boy did he play it well. If there is one thing I would want to teach my children it would be to always be themselves, not to wear a mask to cover up who they are. Jason wore many masks when I first met him. He was everything you would expect from the perfect man. He had the looks but most of all he had a heart, a caring side and that is what I fell for. It wasn’t long when cracks started to appear and eventually the person I loved disappeared. He became withdrawn, he would tell me who I was supposed to be and how I should act. The choices we made became the choices he would make for me and I became small, insignificant and worthless.
Let me stop right there and say that you have all heard this shit story before, it should come as no surprise that I am not the only women who have been left to pick up the pieces. My kids are growing up, for now, they don’t fully understand but pretty soon they going to start asking questions, even worse they going to make choices, so it is important that I don’t mess this up. I often don’t know where to begin, I am not a money tree and life is often very unpredictable. My geek of a guy friend describes it best; he says that it’s like a water bottle with small holes. You only have five fingers so you might be able to stop some of the water from leaking out but you can’t stop all of it unless you only have five holes to cover and seriously I don’t. Work, money, doctors, breakfast, homework, dinner, bath time and the holes just keep coming. I have so much on my shoulders every day that I don’t think there is much left of my water bottle, probably at times just a piece of plastic barely holding together.
Am I complaining? Sure who doesn’t complain? Who has all their shit together all the time, who can say that they have it all under control? Not I and I bet very few others would fight me on this. I find myself fighting every month to get maintenance, I have to sit and explain many weekends why daddy did not pitch and despite all of this the journey as a mother is still worth it. I get to experience magical moments, moments in between the chaos that makes me appreciate it all. It can be the smallest thing, a hug or a kiss on the cheek but it speaks a thousand words, it says that I am a rock star mom who does her best and despite feeling at times that I am failing, I am in fact doing an awesome job.
Nick closed the thick binder containing months of work. It was clear that he was not impressed.
“Sally you know as your agent and editor I need, to be honest with you right?”
“Of course,” I replied.
“This is a load of nonsense.” He replied pointing to the binder. “No one wants to read about a single mother struggling to get by. It needs more…”
“More fakeness is that it?” I responded and as always without thinking.
Excerpt from Spilled Coffee: The Missing Chapter
Pre-Order Now .
Copyright JR Robberts 2016